Harriette Cole: My friend got mad that my husband didn’t foot the bill

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I were on a road trip, pit-stopping in a couple of cities. One of my girlfriends asked if we could meet her for lunch, and we obliged.

When the bill came, my husband paid for himself and me and left the remainder of the tab for my girlfriend to pay. She seemed surprised. We had never said out loud how we’d handle the bill, but frankly I was a bit surprised, too. The place wasn’t overly expensive, so I thought my husband would just pay for everything.

Later, when I called my girlfriend to let her know we had arrived at our next city, we got into an argument because she thought it was common courtesy that my husband should have paid the entire bill.

While I share that line of thought, I do not think it is her place to have opinions about what my husband should or should not do. That feels like entitlement.

Now, I’m not clear on how to properly address this with my friend or my husband. Any advice?

— Split the Bill

DEAR SPLIT THE BILL: You say your friend asked you to meet her for lunch. If that’s the case, she should not expect you to pay her bill.

The old-fashioned thinking is that the man should pay for an unaccompanied woman joining a couple for a meal, but this is 2026. She doesn’t have the right to be angry.

Tell her you are sorry her feelings were hurt, but there should not have been an automatic assumption that you would foot the bill when she invited you to lunch. In fact, modern etiquette dictates that the one who invites is the one who should pay.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I have been talking for a month now about booking a summer vacation together to Greece. I recently brought it up again, and she said that she can’t go anymore because she booked a different vacation with a different friend.

She didn’t mention it beforehand or talk to me about possibly changing plans. She just said it was cheaper and easier to coordinate.

I was caught off guard. Technically we hadn’t booked anything yet, but we had been talking about this for weeks, and it felt like an unspoken commitment. What hurt most was feeling like I was easily replaced.

Now I’m questioning whether she ever even wanted to go on a vacation with me at all or if she was just lying to me this whole time.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid. Should I tell her that this hurt me or just let it go since nothing was officially booked? How do I move forward without feeling like I’m always the backup plan friend?

— Dumped

DEAR DUMPED: You have every right to feel upset about this. Your friend has the right to change her mind as well, but she should have been upfront with you.

It does seem like your friend thought of you as the backup plan and treated you as disposable when something better came along. Either way, that is not the sign of a friend who prioritizes you or has your back.

At this point, you can tell her that you do not appreciate being discarded like that without even the respect to tell you she was considering other options. You should also keep this incident in mind the next time she starts making big plans of any kind.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Source link