Man Has ‘Messy’ Divorce What Kids Ask After Stuns: ‘Not My Problem’

A father’s refusal to financially help his struggling ex-wife has triggered a growing rift with his children, raising questions about responsibility, divorce and how adult conflicts continue to affect families years later.

Reddit user MysteriousEmu1106 said he divorced his ex-wife five years ago after discovering she had secretly saved about $50,000 while he worked up to 80 hours a week believing they were struggling.

He described the split as “messy,” citing undisclosed spending and credit card debt that surfaced during the process.

‘Heartless’

Now, years later, the conflict has resurfaced in a different form. The couple’s children, who were in high school at the time of the divorce and are now in college, are urging their father to help their mother as she faces eviction and job instability.

He has refused.

“They think I am being heartless,” the original poster (OP) wrote, adding that he told them, “their mom’s issues are not my problem.”

The row has strained their relationship, with the dad saying his children are ignoring him. While he maintains that he is not responsible for his ex-wife’s financial situation, he acknowledged uncertainty about whether he is in the wrong.

Responses to the situation reflected a split between practical and emotional considerations.

As one Reddit pundit offered: “You’re [not wrong], but it might be worth considering your priorities.

“You have no reason to care about your ex-wife, I agree. But if this poisons your relationship with your children, is that a price you’re willing to pay?”

Another commentator focused on transparency, writing: “Tell the kids the divorce is BECAUSE your ex lied to you repeatedly about finances, if you haven’t already.”

The OP replied, “They know. I think they just find it hard to watch my ex struggle.”

‘Tremendous responsibility’

Family experts say these situations often reflect how children process divorce well into adulthood.

Sue Atkins, a parenting coach, wrote that, “while parents divorce, the parent-child relationship is forever,” in a guide published on her website.

She noted that children, especially teenagers, can feel, “torn between you both as parents,” and may experience, “tremendous responsibility for your well-being.”

That sense of responsibility can persist even when children are grown, particularly if one parent appears to be struggling more than the other.

Atkins also wrote that teenagers, “are most likely to feel anger–usually directed at one parent or the other for messing up their life,” pointing to how unresolved feelings can shape later conflicts.

Loyalty and Concern

Another perspective highlights the risks of involving children too deeply in adult issues. Brad and Morgan, writing on Healing Broken Trust, cautioned that, “your job as their parent is to protect them from trauma, their innocence and let them be kids.”

While their advice focuses on younger children, the principle reflects a broader concern about emotional burden, according to Healing Broken Trust.

In this case, the father’s children appear to be grappling with both loyalty and concern. Their request for help may be less about finances and more about discomfort with seeing one parent struggle.

The OP’s stance remains firm, though the long-term impact on his relationship with his children is still unfolding. As one Reddit contributor put it, the decision may ultimately come down to what kind of relationship he wants to maintain with them.

Newsweek has reached out to MysteriousEmu1106 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.