Who are the victims and perpetrators of most U.S. murder-suicides? Here’s the data

Murder-suicides, on average, happen more than once a day somewhere in the United States, studies show.

Who is most often involved?

News4 consulted two studies to look at the data on this kind of domestic violence — one from Columbia University and another from the Violence Policy Center in Washington, D.C.

Those studies show that there are between 800 and 1,000 victims of murder-suicides, annually. It comes out to between nine and 10 tragedies a week.

They are most often committed by white men armed with guns, and the majority of the people murdered are their significant others.

Of the murder victims, 57% to 65% are the romantic or intimate partners of the person who died by suicide.

The person committing the crime is a man, 92% of the time. More than 70% of the time, that man is white.

Roughly 87% of the time, a gun is involved.

News4 didn’t find statistics specifically linking murder-suicides to divorce proceedings. But experts say that moments in ongoing divorces when new papers are served or new court dates are set can sometimes trigger violence in homes where abuse has happened before.

That’s the case even if that previous abuse has not been physical.

“If there’s any history of abuse, even if it’s nonviolent, if it is verbal or coercive control, which is actually a red flag for lethal, any spouse in that situation should absolutely be aware that any steps toward separation, including litigation, are high risks,” said Joan Meier, director of the National Family Violence Law Center at George Washington University.

“Any of these process procedures in litigation could trigger violence, because if there’s an abusive history, they’re symbols of the victim getting out from under the abuse and getting out from under the control of the abuser,” Meier said.

Whether a couple is married or dating, one of the most dangerous moments in an abusive relationship can be when someone tries to leave.

That’s part of what makes the case of former Virginia Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax so alarming.

The details of what happened in their Annandale home before Fairfax County police say Justin shot and killed his wife — dentist Cerina Fairfax — then himself, are unknown.

But court records reviewed by News4 show the couple were in the middle of separation and custody proceedings. Justin was two weeks from a court-ordered deadline to leave home, and Cerina had been granted custody of their teen children.

“Very, very often when couples — and particularly when a man is a highly accomplished and impressive human being, professionally accomplished and has status in society, that’s the last person we think of as being violent,” Meier said. “And that’s perhaps the last women we think of as being at risk, and we need to get over that.”

“We need to stop thinking that abuse and violence are only a risk at the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum, because that is not true,” Meier said.

No matter who is involved, court dates, custody rulings, separation and divorce filings can all raise the risk of domestic violence, especially where there is already a history of control, coercion or other abuse.

It’s why Meier says divorce lawyers need to strongly question their own clients about their safety.

She adds that there are red flags that everyone can keep an eye out for when it comes to their loved ones. It’s always better to say something, however awkward, than to say nothing for fear of being disrespectful.

“I think it’s tricky because no one wants to sort of say, ‘Hey, are you abused?’ to someone they know and respect and care for,” Meier said.

“The kind of thing one can say without being offensive is to say, ‘Do you feel safe at home? Is there anything that worries you about moving forward with this divorce?'” Meier said. “Those kinds of questions are not offensive.”

Conversely, using words like “abused” or asking directly if there is domestic violence can be “off-putting” to someone at risk, Meier explained.

“But you can ask about feeling safe,” Meier said. “You can ask about worry. You can ask about, ‘Why are you staying in the same house? Do you think it would be safer if you weren’t?'”

You can learn more about the warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship here.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), visiting www.thehotline.org or texting LOVEIS to 22522.