Psychiatrist reveals 5 ways to end gift anxiety this holiday

As we enter the peak of the festive season, the pressure to give and receive the “right” gifts skyrockets.

This collective worry has prompted a surge of online conversations about the hidden stress behind holiday generosity. One such Reddit post, by a 37-year-old British man under u/thebrainitaches, placed a spotlight on this particular seasonal phenomenon: gift anxiety.

Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Gil Lichtshein, told Newsweek that the experience is more common than people realize.

“Gift anxiety is a real thing,” he said. “Some people find gift-giving joyful. Others find it overwhelming, irritating, and downright cumbersome.”

The Reddit post detailed the man’s personal struggle with the unspoken rules of holiday gifting, describing it as a “balancing act.”

In the post, the millennial, now living in Germany, said: “You want to make sure your gift and the gift you’re receiving sort of roughly match in terms of overall effort, meaning and value. If a friend gets you a scented candle for Christmas you shouldn’t reciprocate by getting them the latest iPhone, or vice versa.”

The man, who wants to stay anonymous, continued: “I’d be terrified of two things: Underspending: Looking like a cheapskate. Overspending: Making the other person feel ‘debt’ or awkwardness.”

Lichtshein said that these feelings around buying gifts intensify at Christmas time.

“As a psychiatrist in Boca Raton, Florida, I find that for most of my patients, the holidays stir a mix of positive and negative feelings,” he said. “Many of us equate the quality of our relationships with the quality of the gifts we give. High expectations can lead to a mix of unwanted emotional feelings.”

He added that when gift exchanges are of unequal value, it can promote an additional layer of anxiety, with the gift giver often left wondering if they over or underspent.

Financial stress also plays a major role.

“There is actually a name for the anxiety related to the financial pressures of gift buying,” Lichtshein said. “We call it financial stress-induced anxiety. It’s so easy to spend, overbuy, and go into debt.”

To help people navigate the season more mindfully, Lichtshein recommends aligning gift-giving with the recipient’s love language.

“I am a big believer that the holiday season should be more about connection and less about stuff,” he said. “Let’s align our giving with the recipient’s love language and our own personal spending capacity and replace presents with presence.”

Here are five ways to approach Christmas shopping and reduce gift anxiety this festive season, according to Lichtshein:

Words of Affirmation

A card is a forever gift with minimal expense, the psychiatrist says. When the recipient’s love language is words of affirmation, you could also opt for a montage of pictures set to their favorite song. It may be time-consuming, but it will be joyfully received.

Quality Time

“A shared experience creates unforgettable memories,” Lichtshein said.

One of his patients celebrates by taking each grandchild to Serendipity for a one-on-one holiday outing after admiring New York City’s holiday windows.

“Find their sweet spot and focus on presence over presents,” the psychiatrist added.

Acts of Service

“Bake their favorite goodies—doing it with them can count as quality time, too,” Lichtshein said.

Other ideas include offering to babysit, make dinner, or shop for food bank donations together.

“I’m not sure who told me that they make food donations into a game in the supermarket, where you have to find food with each letter of the alphabet,” he said. “Too much? Use your family’s last name or Happy Holidays!”

Receiving Gifts

“When gifts are integral to the relationship, simplify,” Lichtshein said. “One client comes from a large family, and they do a Secret Santa exchange of names at Thanksgiving, and you only mindfully buy a gift for that one person.”

Setting a cost limit and researching what the recipient truly wants can help curb disappointment or feelings of inequality.

Physical Touch

“While this is not my favorite recommendation, since a hug is fleeting, the importance of appropriate physical touch is worth keeping in mind,” Lichtshein said.

“Personally, I’d add a card with the hug, a favorite home-baked treat, or a Shutterfly photo book to enhance the gesture,” he added.